i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
