Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
