I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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