I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
