Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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