I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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