Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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