She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
