I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
