The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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