His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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