He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
