I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm passing your future prison.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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