Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
either way he was missing a nipple.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
