so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
