Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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