But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
