Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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