i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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