Ambien. No doubt about it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
