I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
