He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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