: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
