birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
