I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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