D3 body, D1 cock
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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