i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
