I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
