New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
