I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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