Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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