just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
