Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
