Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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