Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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