Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
