Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
