I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
