Screwed.edu
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
