Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
