Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk is not a location!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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