That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
