there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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