Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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