sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
