I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
