Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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