Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
