It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
