this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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